Please Do Not Remember
by jessicaebirch
Summary: Holtzmann and Erin met briefly way before the day Erin came into Abby s and Holtz s lab at the Kenneth P. Higgins institute, only Erin doesn't remember.
1. Chapter 1

Patty, Abby and Holtz were sitting around the table. The carcass of a pizza lay in front of them. Holtz happily finishes the last slice.

"Where is Erin?" Abby asked. The other two shrugged their shoulders, Erin was supposed to meet them there well over an hour ago, she had text saying she was running late and to save her a slice, but that hadn't happened. Holtz had been at the firehouse since the small hours of the morning working on modifications for the proton packs, she had been starving. Holtzmann jumped of her seat and grabbed the box full of crusts.

"Holtzy is gonna take the trash out". She said in an odd off key voice.

"I wish you wouldn't do that. It`s so weird." Patty interjected. Holtz flashed her a signature gleaming white smile that showed off her dimples. Holtzy giggled and went into her "Holtzy sorry" routine. Patty rolled her eyes and shoved her towards the door. Holtz skipped down the stairs and out onto the street. She started to hum the latest 80s tune that was stuck in her head under her breath. This week it was Reflex by Duran Duran, last week it was True by Spandau Ballet. Holtz dumped the box in the dumpster and proceeded to wipe her hands on her multicoloured capri pants. She was just about to head back inside when she heard a familiar voice.

"Okay sir you take care." Holtz`s ears pricked up, she pushed her head forward and saw Erin walking away from a homeless guy and up the steps of the firehouse. The man was sitting with some food in his hand and a new warm blanket around his shoulders. He was smiling.

"Shit." Holtz muttered under her breath, she tucked a stray blonde curl behind her ear and began to walk home. Holtz`s apartment was close to the firehouse, which was a good thing considering the amount of times she worked late. New York was scary at night, the shorter the walk the better. She ran up the steps to her apartment and shut the door behind her.

"Shit, shit, shit." She whipped out her phone and texted Abby.

 _Gone looking for metal, see ya tomorrow._

She turned her phone off in case she was called in. She needed time for Erin to forget about the homeless man in case it reminded her of something Holtz didn't really want her to remember. It was better this way; the past didn't need raking up. They would be okay without her for a day; the modifications she made meant the proton packs were more powerful than ever. They wouldn't miss her. Holtzmann and Erin met briefly way before the day Erin came into Abby`s and Holtz`s lab at the Kenneth P. Higgins institute, only Erin doesn't remember. Holtz wanted to keep it that way. The day that Erin came into her and Abby`s lab Holtz almost fell of her chair. But then Erin looked at her if that was the first time she had laid eyes on her. Holtz went along with it thinking Erin was just being polite. Erin wasn't just being polite, she honestly didn't know who Holtz was, and Holtz thanked the gods for a free pass.


	2. Chapter 2

"What happened to you yesterday?" Obviously Erin`s was the first face Holtz saw when she walked into the firehouse the next day.

"Hey, she could ask you the same thing." Patty injected. Holtz loved Patty, she loved the way she was always there to fight her corner but in that moment Holtz found herself shooting Patty a look. Thankfully both Patty and Erin moved on without much thought. Holtz exhaled audibly and went over to her desk. She dumped down some scrap metal, effectively keeping up the charade.

Abby came bounding into the room through the second floor doors, she was grinning. Her signature "we have a bust" smile was projected across the room. That was all the other three needed. They suited up and made their way down stairs to the ecto. 1. Holtz went into the garage and slid into the divers seat, she pulled out front and parked so the other three could get in. Abby slid in beside her. Patty and Erin opened the back doors. Out the corner of her eye she looked in the side mirror, she saw the homeless man from the previous day bounding up the street. He was shouting, Holtz couldn't hear him but she could lip-read.

 _Miss Gilbert. Miss Gilbert._

Holtz bit her lip and pressed her foot to the pedal. She heard Erin let out a yelp, there was a crash and Holtz saw Patty throw herself to the side through the interior mirror. Holtz smashed her boot down on the brake.

"Jesus Holtz are you trying to kill me!" Erin's voice came from outside the ecto. She was lying in the road. Patty was leaning out of the car and helping her to her feet. The homeless man had caught up and had his hands underneath Erin`s armpits and rose her up so she could step onto the pavement.

"Miss Gilbert are you all right?" He asked. Erin steadied herself on his shoulders, she looked at him with confusion. She smiled and the confusion faded.

"Hello again, yes I'm fine, thanks for your help!" She chirped. The homeless man didn't look so sure. He frowned at Holtz, who had sunk down in the diver's seat so much she was almost in the foot well. Abby had gotten out of the car to check Erin was okay. Happy that she was she, Patty and Erin fell about laughing. Holtz sucked in a breath.

"Guys correct me if I'm wrong but we have a bust to get too." Three frowns hit her in the gut all at once.

"You almost killed Erin Hotlz." Patty laughed, almost killed was going a bit too far. Erin waved her hands in the air and turned back to the homeless man.

"What happened to the blanket?" The man smiled, bearing yellow teeth.

"My friend is looking after it, I came to find you to thank you again. Your kindness is very much appreciated." The man had Erin`s hand in his, his eyes were glossy. Erin smiled and patted him on the back.

"Like I said George, it's no bother- you get back to your friend." George smiled and bowed his head. Holtz beeped the horn.

"Sorry George, someone is being rude. I'll see you round?" George nodded an opened the back door for Erin. Everyone piled back in, Erin waved to George as Holtz pulled away.

"There was no reason to be so rude Holtz." Erin scolded. Holtz lip was now bleeding from the nibbling she had done.

"Ghosts are a happening."


	3. Chapter 3

It was a pretty routine bust, only a few minor injuries were sustained- but that wasn't uncommon, especially where Hotlz was concerned. She was distracted, which meant she was more vulnerable to being caught off guard. Holtz was picked up and flung against a cabinet, Patty had her back. The ghost was quickly contained, Holtz was picked up off the floor and they made their way back to the firehouse. Abby drove, against Holtzy`s wishes.

"I`m perfectly capable of driving us back."

"Your still winded Holtz, let me." Abby nodded at Patty. Patty proceeded to guide Holtz to the back door and slipped her in. Erin got in beside her, Holtz looked out of the window. Abby pulled off once Patty was sitting beside her.

"You okay Holtz." Erin asked reaching for Holtz`s hand. Holtz flinched under her touch; she hoped Erin would put it down to what happened during the bust. But they never shook her up all that much. Erin frowned at her and released her hand. The silence was deafening as they drove home.

Once back at the firehouse Holtz barricaded herself in the bathroom. She shrugged off her overall and put her back to the mirror. She looked over her shoulder and set eyes on the blue and black mark already forming across her shoulder blades. It looked worse than it actually was, it looked as if the ghost had used her as a punching bag.

"Holtz?" Patty was at the door.

"Engaged." Holtz muttered.

"Just to let you know where heading home, you sure you're okay?" Holtz bit her lip.

"Sure thing, see you later."

Holtz climbed up on the side of the bath and pulled down a vest top and joggers that she kept on the top shelf for emergencies. She pulled the joggers on and brought the vest over her head. She snapped the spaghetti straps against her shoulders and doubled over in pain.

"Wrong move." She hissed. She slipped the straps of her shoulders and tucked them into the top, effectively turning it into a boob tube. Holtz had landed on her proton pack funny when she had hit the filing cabinet and managed to knock one of the buttons off; she decided she would repair it and then go home via the pizzeria. She unlocked the bathroom door and walked through to her work bench. She pulled her proton pack in front of her and pulled down her goggles.

"Ahem."

Holtz`s eyes flicked up, there was Erin sitting cross-legged on the kitchen island looking at Holtz. Holtz`s tools banged down on her bench. She put her goggles back up in her nest of hair.

"I thought you left with the others."

Erin beckoned Holtz over. Holtz lifted herself up onto the island beside Erin. Erin produced a tube of Pringles.

"You'll have to say no to these salty parabolas if you don't tell me exactly what is going on."

Holtz sighed.


	4. Chapter 4

Holtz bit her lip and allowed her brain to buzz; she quickly came up with the only two possible outcomes of this situation.

1: She tells Erin there is nothing going on, Erin leaves her alone but starts to hate her a little bit, Erin wouldn't drop it, she would probably end up telling her any way she doesn't get Pringles...

2: She tells Erin exactly what is going on, her secret is out...but she gets Pringles.

The concept of getting immediate Pringles won her over.

"Okay, I'll tell you." The Pringles tube was tilted forward, Holtz stuck her hand in and grabbed a small mountain, her knuckles caught on the rim of the tube as she brought her handful to her lap.

"You don't know about me before Abby picked me up, but you do. You just haven't put the two together." Holtz started, Erin raised her eyebrows and popped the lid on the tube

"Enough with the riddles Holtz." Holtz sighed again.

"Fine."

 **7th September 2000**

 _"Jillian, I'm so sorry." Jillian was packing her stuff into a backpack. Her mother helped her lever the heavy bag onto her back, Jillian teetered slightly as she tried to find her new_ centre _of gravity. Jillian looked up at her mother, she winced at the sight of the shiner that covered her left eye._

 _"He just doesn't understand." Jillian closed her eyes, she missed her real father. He would have never reacted like this, he would have never kicked out his sixteen-year-old daughter because she finally came out of the closet. Frank was her stepfather, she hated him. Her mother was in love with him, Frank was stable. He had money, he had a big house. Something that Jillian's father couldn't provide, especially after he got sick. Jillian's mother was in love with him, even the bad parts. Even the parts that hurt her._

 _"Are you sure you'll be okay_ at _your friends until you start college." Jillian was clever, she had a spot at M.I.T, she made up for her young age with a big brain. Jillian nodded, her mother brought her in for a hug. Jillian swallowed back a hug and walked out of the door._

 _She didn't know where she was going, Dana, the friend she was supposed to be staying with didn't exist. Jillian made her up to get out of the house. When Frank was being particularly horrible she would up and leave and go to "Dana`s" which roughly translated as hanging around the skip looking for new parts. M.I.T wasn't a lie but she wasn't going, she couldn't afford it. Frank was supposed to pay, he obviously wasn't now. She had told her mother she had been awarded a scholarship, that one was a lie._

 _Sixteen-year-old Jillian began to walk, she simply let her feet take her where they wanted. The night began to fall; Jillian slunk to the shadows and began to grow weary. She set herself up on a doorstep. She snuggled down in her sleeping bag._

 _When she woke up her bag was gone. She had nothing, no clothes, and no money. Nothing. Tears threatened to fall. She was stuck, she couldn't go back home. Not now, who knows what Frank would do to her, to her mother. No, she sucked her gut in and put one foot in front of the other._

 _She bummed around until she was twenty, she got street smart. She knew where the best place for a_ kip _was. Where she could steal food from without getting caught. She was still wearing the clothes she left home in four years previously, she had grown in length slightly but shrunk in diameter, they still fitted. The police had started to flush people out, they were making the place look untidy._

 _"Miss." Holtz looked up, there was a cop standing in front of her, his back blocked the sun, a shadow was cast over Holtz`s face._

 _"I'm gonna need you to move along." Holtz looked around her, she had been sleeping in that cubby hole for a couple of months, she had got used to it. She didn't want to move along now. Winter was coming, good places were going to be hard to find. She pretended she couldn't hear him. The cop grew tired quickly, he brought her hands down to Holtz`s shoulder and pulled her to her feet by the straps of her dungarees._

 _"Listen." He hissed, he pressed his face to hers. Spit sprayed on her face. Her feet were barely touching the floor, she turned her face away from him._

 _"Sir." A voice came from behind him, he loosed his grip on Holtz, her toes brushed against the pavement again. There was a woman behind him, she was wearing a checked skirt suit and had a tiny bow tie around her neck._

 _"I'll sort her out." She smiled, her smile was radiant. The cop scoffed and let go of Holtz, he pushed her against the wall and left. Holtz rubbed her hand across her neck._

 _"Thanks."_

 _"No bother, now let's get you sorted." The woman led Holtz out of the cubby hole and carried her sleeping bag for her._

 _"I'm Erin by the way."_


	5. Chapter 5

_"Holtz I don..."_

 _"Yeah I know, I preferred it that way."_

 _"How often do you help people out Erin?" Erin smiled and shrugged._

 _"It's not like I go out looking, like some superhero or something. If I see someone who could use a hand I'm happy to give said hand." Holtz nodded and bit her lip._

 _"So..."_

 _"So?"_

 _"Oh right."_

 _Erin and Holtz walked down the street, Erin still had Holtz's sleeping bag underneath her arm. Erin stopped at a little cafe at the edge of the road, she opened the door for Holtz. In a couple of munites, Erin had ordered cheese steaks all round. Holtz sat there nervously, there she was sitting there with a complete stranger who was about to buy her lunch._

 _"So what's your name?" Holtz shook her head and looked longingly at the door. Erin took her hand._

 _"It's okay, nevermind." Small talk filled the time before the food was set down on the table. Holtz learned that Erin had just got a job at Columbia, Erin tried asking her questions but Holtz was very good at deflecting questions. She bit into her steak, it took all her energy, not to radish it in three seconds flat. She tried to match Erin bite for_ bite _so she would come across feral. Once they were finished Erin paid for their food and they stepped back out onto the street._

 _"Um, thanks for this. I really appreciate it. I wish I could give you something for your trouble but..." Holtz tried to take her sleeping bag._

 _"But where will you go?" Erin pushed. Holtz shrugged her shoulders, she didn't know. She was good at making things work, she would be okay._

 _"No, look I know a guy. I'll get you a bed at the shelter, at least until it gets warmer." Holtz rocked on her cracked soles, she hadn't slept in a real bed for four years. She opened her mouth to reply but Erin already had her by her arm and was dragging her towards the shelter. Holtz had tried a couple of times to get a bed there, she once found a ten dollar bill and tried to get herself in for the night. She_ was turned _away._

 _"Shoot." Erin looked at her phone. Holtz stopped walking, Erin looked up at her._

 _"Look I've got to go, something has come up at work. You go in and ask for Dan, he will sort you out. Tell him Erin sent you. Then Erin was gone._

"You would think I would remember that."

"You were distracted by work, you could tell. When that text came through I thought you were going to faint. You had only been there a month at the time." Erin nodded.

"Dan was a good guy, I went to school with him. He was one of the few people who didn't think of me as ghost girl."

"Yeah, I stayed with them for about a month. Then Abby found me."

Erin brought Holtz in for a hug and handed her the rest of the Pringles.

"You know you could have just told me." Holtz shook her head.

"I didn't want you to look at me differently, I didn't want you to think less of me."

"No one could think less of you Holtz, you're amazing." Holtz scoffed and shoved a Pringle mountain in her mouth.

"Did you ever go back home?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Why would I go back home? They made it perfectly clear I wasn't wanted."

"Holtz, your mother didn't kick you out, it was him."

"She didn't stop him."

"She was scared." Holtz`s eyes looked up at Erin, she smiled. Her dimples popped out.

"I wouldn't go back, I'm a firm believer of taking one step forward over two steps back." Erin nodded and took the empty Pringles tube off Holtz. she jumped down from the counter and dumped the can in the bin.

"Cheesesteaks on me," Erin announced, she pulled Holtz down from the counter and marched her out onto the street. They walked to a cafe at the end of a familiar street. Erin held the door open for Holtz, she was met by a frown.

"I thought you didn't remember."

"If I bought you a cheesesteak this would have been the only place I would have brought you." Erin smiled and lightly pushed Holtz in, Holtz had temporary forgot about the mammoth bruise that covered her shoulder blades. she bit her lip and gritted her teeth. the pair sat down, Erin smiled at Holtz, Holtz still looked pained.

"What?"

"Nothing." Erin smirked.

"Look just tell me, or in a couple of years you'll have to tell me, let's not have a repeat performance please." Holtz grinned.

"It's just my back, got hit up pretty bad by that filing cabinet."

"Let me see."

"Erin,not going to flash you in a public place."

"My place later then?" Erin raised her eyebrows.

"So cheesesteaks then?" Holtz said to the waiter, looking away from Erin, whose foot had "accidently" kicked Holtz`s leg. They ate their dinner and reminisced about old and new busts. after dinner, Holtz went to say goodbye to Erin. She was about to head home.

"Ahem, you're showing me your back madam." Erin dragged her, gently this time, to a cab and told the driver her address.

"I'm glad you told me about everything Holtz." Holtz smiled up at her and rested her head on her shoulder. The cab journey was over too quickly.

Holtzmann and Erin met briefly way before the day Erin came into Abby`s and Holtz`s lab at the Kenneth P. Higgins institute, only Erin doesn't remember. She knows about it now and Holtz was okay with that.


End file.
